Nannies, Tired of Job Creep? Here’s How to Break the Cycle for Good!

As someone who’s spent years advocating for nannies, I’ve heard it time and again: families rolling in late, your duties quietly expanding past your original agreement, and confusion around schedules and expectations. What surprises me isn’t that these things happen—it’s that they keep happening, again and again, with different families.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why does this always happen to me?” you’re far from alone. The truth is, when we dodge problems instead of tackling them right away, we bring the same baggage into every new position. That pattern repeats—until we disrupt it.

The Hidden Price of Staying Silent

Keeping the peace in the moment often feels easiest. Many nannies fear that raising concerns will cost them the job or hurt the bond they’ve built with a family. Yet, that silence comes at a steep price. The Harvard Negotiation Project emphasizes that unspoken conflicts in any professional relationship eventually foster deeper frustration and detachment over time.

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Take “Emma,” for example. A veteran nanny I know, she cycled through three families who consistently showed up late—but she never voiced her boundary. Each time, she hoped the next family would be different. They weren’t. Emma’s real challenge wasn’t bad families; it was not asserting her limits from the outset.

Psychologists call this repetition compulsion—a drive to replay unresolved scenarios hoping for a new outcome, without changing our own approach.² Until we face our role in these dynamics, nothing changes.

Why Speaking Up Matters

• You set the standard for how you’re treated. Tolerating crossed lines teaches others to keep crossing them.

• Resentment grows fast. Minor annoyances can spiral into burnout or breakdowns in trust.

• Old problems follow you. New family, same issues—unless you intervene.

Four Steps to Change the Script

• Spot Your Patterns

List the frustrations that keep cropping up. Ask yourself: “Did I clearly state what I expected?” If job creep is a constant, consider whether you’ve been quietly taking on extra tasks—only to find them suddenly mandatory.

• Speak Up Early

Nip small issues before they balloon. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes that how you open a dialogue strongly predicts its outcome.³ Try something like:

“I love working with your family. Could we agree on a quick way to update each other when your schedule shifts? That way I can plan my day too.”

If needed, suggest adjusting your hours or rate to match any new expectations.

• Lock Down Expectations in Writing

Before you agree to anything, confirm work hours, duties, overtime rules, and communication methods in a written agreement. Formalizing these details up front helps everyone feel secure.

• Log, Reflect, and Connect

Keep a private journal of moments that feel off. Writing things down clarifies your thoughts and arms you for constructive conversations. Don’t wait until resentment builds—ask for brief weekly check-ins at the start of a new role, then adjust the frequency as things settle.

• Lean on Your Community

You don’t have to go it alone. Whether it’s your placement agency, a mentor, or a professional group, tap into your network. Join the International Nanny Association or check out online forums like Nanny Counsel for peer advice and support.

Professionalism Means Speaking Up

Raising concerns isn’t rude—it’s proof of self-respect and maturity. You’re not just protecting today’s position; you’re setting the tone for every family you’ll work with.

As Brené Brown puts it, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”⁴ By being upfront about your boundaries and needs, you pave the way for healthier partnerships—for you and the families you serve.

Sources:

• Harvard Negotiation Project

• Concepts of repetition compulsion in psychology

• Dr. John Gottman on communication

• Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness